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And I weep, I cry with joy at being innocent again, at being whole again, I sob heavily as I realize that it was all just a bad dream and my reality, my true life is here in his arms, serving him, loving him, not the banal responsibility of working, studying, and keeping a house for the man who should be caring for me and his son. There is nothing sexual about this vision, this dream of happiness. It is very sensual, and incredibly loving, but his only thought is to chase away my troubles and drive back my fears, not sex. Just as I see myself sobbing and howling away the pain of life in these visions that Payne brings me, I find my own face wet. This is when I waken, leaving the half-dream that had brought those precious moments of peace behind, and now I am free to shed my own tears. I can wail and sob and cry – I can howl and lament to my hearts content. I have a reason – Payne has shown me what my soul aches for yet again, and once more reality reminds me of how far away these. ” “I am surprised he just stopped calling and I can’t figure out why. Our last lunch went fantastic, or at least I thought it did and he said it did, so why did he just stop?” “Do you think he got what he wanted and now he has moved on?”“I don’t know; maybe, but since we are analyzing this isn’t it fair to say you got what you wanted too?“Probably, I guess so.” But I don’t want him to drop me just like that!” “Well, you knew this wasn’t going to be anything other than sex, right?”“Yes, of course, don’t get the wrong idea, I don’t have a case on him, I’m not in love or even looking for romance from him, just don’t want him to bed me and forget me.”Ok, that’s good, and we could guess until the cows come home why he hasn’t called, so if it is bothering you, pick up the phone and call him!” “I can’t just call him and ask if he was just using me, what if he said yes?” “I would die!”“Well do something, call him and ask, or drop him and get your old self back, because this moping isn’t.
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